serbest

New Year

2008-09-19T20:26:56Z

So I've been doing enough thinking about this summer, and I decided I just needed to get my thoughts down on something concrete. I juat have not been able to deal with DIllon coming back from the States so unexpectedly. And everything was just supposed to be ok? It was in the way that things were just going to pick up from where they left off, and things would be fine.
That's fine and all, except I wasn't ready for things to be like that, and I'm still not...and the fact of the matter is that I'm changing, and have changed significantly from the person he used to know. What we shared was got everything started anyway.

I think about him constantly everyday for two years, and when I see him again-out of the blue- its just, 'Hey bud, how ya come on?' I can't believe it. He's rougher around the edges than he ever was, and the look in his eye is wild and almost vicious. It used to be fierce, but in a naive, untamed sort of way. It's bridled now, but it is like he has seen too many things; experience too much of the raw reality he forced himself into.
Either way, when I remember what we thought we knew so long ago compared to what is real whether I like it or not...its so hard, something not even working with Dante could take my mind off of. I think that is why this year I ached to be back here, craved for distance. I realize now he thought we were just young and stupid, and didn't know what we were doing....but I did...I did.

Few months

2008-03-12T03:17:16Z

So I have been here at St. Dymphna's a few months now. I haven't made any new friends really, but then again I haven't been trying at all. I've been focusing on classes and sleep, and at the moment no one particularly interests me as far as company is concerned. Granted I do get a little lonely every now and then, and above all else I miss Dante. When I am out in the woods here working on writing or homework, I just wish he could be here, and we could have our own times having fun and exploring the places I don't really dare go by myself. It's sort of funny...I never thought that having Dante by my side would make me braver, or even give me courage at all, but it did. I had his trust, and that was enough for the both of us. I haven't talked to mum for a week or so, so I don't even know how he is doing or who has been taking care of him lately.

It had always been a lot of work, if only because it demanded so much time and effort. That is probably why I don't mind the solitude I feel here on campus, because it is not so different at all. Classes are going well. Of course, I should hope so considering I don't spend much time on anything else. Being here puts some sort of fire in me...for instance, some days when I'm out writing and the wind will blow, or the sky will turn a pale blue around the white, glowing sun...I'll get chills just sitting there thinking about the worlds and people I've yet to create, the ones that are in my power to create and always have been.

Sometimes I think people don't really realize how much power they actually have. I suppose I have only just discovered it...maybe that is why I feel so alive right now, even though Dante isn't here, nor do I have any friends. In actuality, I think loneliness and solitude are part of being alive. They are shaping me, this burning desire inside to be completely free. We'll see what the rest of the semester brings.]

Seni seviyorum,

Roald

Hallo.

2008-01-20T20:24:26Z

Been awhile since I started one of these, should be interesting. I just arrived at Saint Dymphna's a few days ago, and I must say I am impressed. I feel like I could write so much already. I went walking right after I got all settled in, and I found a nice place to relax and whatnot...finished off a piece of cake mum sent along, and the whipping cream as well. Im going to miss home a bit, the quiet of it all. And my birds...Dante means so much to me, it will be utterly lonesome here at first. After being with him so often every day for six years. I will hardly know what to do with my time, that is certain.

Im excited for this new time here at Saint Dymphna's...I will write in often to log what goes on here. To be totally honest, it is a little creepy, like there is always someone watching...but that is what I like :)

Cheers.

Roald